I am with the Picciuti clan for our Christmas time. It has been a DELIGHTFUL trip thus far. I plan on staying here until the first.

God has slooooowly been revealing a new truth to me. I am not ready to grieve Chuck's death. Me in all my wisdom assumed that dealing with Chuck's death should be #1 on the ol' agenda. Come on...it's HUGE. How can that not be my #1 issue?

Alas, it's our "hospital time" that needs to be healed. Who'd a thunk? (I know, probably everybody but me!) This revelation both thrills and troubles me. I am relieved to know that I'm not crazy...that the reason my memories of Chuck center around the hospital is because I have unfinished business there. I never had time to catch my breath much less deal with all the sorrow and heartache of slowly losing the man I loved. Please pray as I enter this new stage of grief. Pray for courage as I face painful memories...questions of why...anger...pray I move toward peace and away from bitter resentment.

I feel as if I have a basic understanding of how to grieve Chuck's death...but how in the world do I grieve "a period" or "a series of events"? I know God will show me when I am ready...just as he revealed my need to let go of Chuck's death for a while and face the pain of his sufferings.

In an odd way, I feel refreshed and encouraged.