Funny, funny, funny (not ha ha) how things sneak up on you. All day long I have been agitated...frustrated...dissatisfied...unable to focus. I keep asking myself, "What is it? What's wrong?"

I'm sad. That's it.

I did not realize that I have been trying to be happy. I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY. I've been trying to make the most of Christmas. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THE MOST OF CHRISTMAS. I do not want to do Christmas without Chuck. I am MAD that I will have to...cause Christmas is coming...and Chuck is gone. There's no way around this.