Here's the deal. I'm about done with this mourning business. All of a sudden, I cannot stand to see the "grieving" literature, the sympathy cards, the memorial stuff, pictures of Chuck, his clothes...all reminders of my current state are repulsive to me. I want to run and hide. I want to escape this "death" business. I am clinging to the verse..."Choose life" from Deuteronomy 30:19. I don't know if I'm running away from death, running toward life, or just trying to escape the helplessness that accompanies grief. In any case, I'm tired and I want to quit. However, God has set before me life and death...though it seems easier to choose death...just for today I will choose life. Each day I will tell myself, "Just for today, choose life."

Deuteronomy 30:15-20.
15 See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. 16 For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.