Chuck's still swollen and is still sleeping A LOT. He slept all day yesterday, all night, and most of today. Being the worrier that I am, I'm hoping it's not because he has too much carbon dioxide in his blood. Hopefully, his body needs rest and that is it.

Okay, to all my fellow self-sufficient delusionals out there, I have a confession. After one year and one month of Chuck's hospital stay, I STILL THINK I CAN CONTROL HIS PROGRESS. Yes, I still struggle with this issue and it has brought me no end of grief. That voice inside me that urges me on, "Just try harder. If you try harder, he will be better." How hard-headed can one person be? Self-sufficiency in the hands of a stubborn person like me can be quite dangerous...but quite comical to those watching my antics. Let's face it, I still struggle with trusting God. Why? Because he's not doing it my way! Has he proven himself faithful? Yep. Has he proven himself loving? Yep. Has he proven himself powerful? Yep. What gives? It's that seductive pull of seeing things happen when I take action. It's that desire to move things along...move, move, move. Yes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. I've learned that full well. But is that a benefit? Who am I benefitting? Well, if you are delusional like me, of course you think the answer is yes. Yes, I know what is best for me, for Chuck, for our lives. Have I proven that to be false? Yep. And still, this battle of wills continues. All I really need to ask, when I want to jump in and CONTROL is this, "When I make demands, whose power is displayed?"

My new mantra has become, "I am powerless over Chuck's condition." And I'm sure "if I try hard enough," I'll believe it.