It had to happen sometime. I woke up this morning and it was a good 30 seconds before I remembered that Chuck was gone. It filled me with such hope and such sadness. A big part of me wants to stay...stay put...no moving forward in life without my beloved. Part of me wants to stay in pain as long as Chuck and I are apart. Then there's the part of me that wants to rush, rush, rush through this excruciating part. This reminds me of the night when Chuck died...I had to keep telling myself, "Stay here...stay..stay" because I kept trying to grieve even though Chuck's chest was moving up and down, and I could feel his heart beating beneath my hand. It was a precious moment, and I kept trying to rush through it. This time in my life is precious, too...God is my very breath. How often does this happen? (Hopefully not too much!) God is using this extreme pain to draw me to him. So again, I have to whisper to myself, "stay...no moving back...no rushing ahead...stay in this moment."