Chuck is still sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Tod came up this morning so I could go to church. My poor soul is huuuungry...it's been rare that I've gone to church this past year. If you ever get the bright idea that you can survive without worshipping with a body of believers as long as you are in contact with believers, listen to sermons on the radio, listen to Christian music, and read your Bible, think AGAIN. If you're like me though, you know best and you do not need anyone's advice.

I've been having a hard time with God's grace. I still feel the need to earn his love. The deal is that I've dumped God as of late since everything has been going my way. Though I ask you to pray for Chuck, I've stopped. So, when things got crazy on Friday with Chuck going to I.C.U., I had a terrible guilt/shame attack. How in the world can I ask God for blessings after being such a jerk??? (Note, this is one of Satan's BEST plans of attack = shame and guilt. He whispers that you cannot go to God after what you've done, thus keeping you away from God). Yep, after all this time, I still think I have to earn his ear, earn his blessings, earn his consideration. I had been soooo unfaithful! (Note, I am short on humility...and accepting God's love without earning it is a BIG obstacle.) Alas, I know truth, I know how it works and I'm in awe that I can go to God and ask. I can go and he's waiting with open arms and no condemnation. And now for swallowing that big lump o' pride and accepting his love.