Chuck got a central line today. This will DRASTICALLY cut down on his discomfort. Previously, his I.V. site was changed every three days ... plus he has had blood drawn up to five times some days. Needless to say ... we are thrilled to be done with all of that!

Okay, here's the kidney situation. Very little output yet. I have been reassured ... the typical routine for an acute failure like this is that the condition worsens ... worsens ... levels ... then the floodgates pour! We are praying for this. (Personally, I would like to skip the worsen ... worsen ... worsen part.) Chuck is such a trooper. He's miserable ... but doesn't complain.

Me, well that's another story all together. I'm a mess! I finally went to the chaplain's counselling center and said ... "Help me! I'm a mess!" Here's the deal ... now don't get all worried over this ... it's fine ... it's part of my journey. Okay ... so I feel God has abandoned me ... turned a cold shoulder to the situation ... sees us suffering but does nothing. Now ... I've been feeling this build for a while but have been afraid to discuss my anger toward God with God for fear of punishment. (Does any of this sound familiar to you other believers????) My sent-from-heaven counselor nodded knowling as I cried and cried and cried ... guilt, shame, fear (all satan's favorites). She was perfect ... said all the right things ... spoke truth into my heart. I had to laugh when she pointed out that I'm no more righteous when I'm not angry with God than when I am angry with him. I am in CONSTANT need of grace.

Now any of you who has had a crying fit knows how GOOOOOD it feels when you are done. Whew. However, I wasn't finished. I feebly told her that I didn't know what to do now. She wisely said ... "Nothing. You've done what you needed to do. You have openly talked to God about how mad you are at him (like he didn't already know)." She further told me that I am doing what I need to do ... confessing where I am in this journey. So, this is where I am in this journey ... I don't like it. I don't like what is happening. There. I'm sure God is RELIEVED that I'm finally being real with him.