Well, well, well...this post is for the author and perfecter of my faith. Well, actually, it's for everyone...everyone who knows God...and everyone who does not. It is for everyone who has ever gone through a character-building experience...or who has yet to go through one...but will soon enough.

God designed this journey from day one. He lovingly set this path before me (and Chuck)...clearing the way for my faith to be sharpened...challenged...broken...restored...perfected. Please know...without "the perfecter" working, this whole experience would have been such a tragedy. I cannot tell you how often I've heard, "You are so strong." I don't quite know how to respond to that. Yes...I am strong. I would never dishonor God by denying his great work in my life. However, I am strong because he has made me strong. He is the author and perfecter of my very life. Before I drew a breath...God planned every day of my existence.

But wait...there's more...there's a lot more to this "strength" transformation...the part I don't often write...the part I'm ashamed of...the part that I fear will make my loved ones weak with worry. So why now? Cause...cause I want you to know how loving God has been to me. Cause I want you to know much I love God...how amazed I am at his patience for the weak and broken-hearted...for those who turn away from him in times of desperation...how unbelievable it is to me that he opens his arms to welcome us home once we've wallowed in filth for a while.

I haven't wanted to describe how HORRIBLE the journey to faith and strength has been. (Don't get me wrong...it's been full of blessings, too.) It's hard enough to go through everything...why in the world would I relive it by writing about it??? It has been rough...I pray you never watch your loved one groan, cry, scream, writhe, grow confused, disoriented, frightened, delusional, and helpless. It is hellish. I write this so that you know...God is kind. God is loving. Even though I've accused him of being cruel, the truth is that he has never left my side. He has saved each tear...knowing that this path is for something beautiful...something lovely and pure.

Yep...I'm strong...full of faith, but God brought me to strength by having me crawl on my belly...roll around in shame...cry in despair...deny his love for me...isolate myself from others...drink way too much...I have not been a pillar of strength on my own. FAR, FAR from it. Please know who I am apart from God...so that you can see that without him...I am lost, hopeless, and helpless. This whole wretched event would be for nothing were it not in the loving hands of a kind God. It would be senseless and tragic. All that stuff in the Bible about God and humans and reconciliation and LOVE? True. Hey, if you have not read the Bible as an adult...do it. I'm telling you, you will be blown away by the relevancy. My personal favorite concerning the meaning of life is Ecclesiastes. Come on now...tell me that book is not full of truth. I grew up knowing Bible stories...then I studied it some in college...even did some in-depth study as a young adult. However, it wasn't until LIFE hit, that I truly appreciated the beauty...the truth. That God...does he know us or what??? I'm telling ya. Read it...you will find ALL the answers to EVERY question. Can't say that about many books, now can ya?

But I digress...I love God. I praise him for this journey. I pray for continued strength as I'm weary of Chuck being in pain.

Be blessed!