Sometimes...most times, I am overwhelmed with God's gentle reply to my stubborn heart...my stubborn will. For better or worse, I am a being who sees life through a black and white lens. I am one who does well with a religion (judgements that can be based on behavior...concrete). I struggle with an abstract, living, breathing God who defies the boundaries of what is seen, heard, and felt.

Today church was a gift...a reminder of my part in this crazy thing with this God o' mine...this thing that I cannot grasp with my mind...only with my heart. I must see with my soul...I must JUMP into the unknown in order to reach God.

My part is "simply" to believe in the resurrection of Jesus. I do not have to change my behavior...my thoughts...my actions toward others...all the things I dearly love because I can track my progress. None of this is required of me. I do not have to stop drinking, smoking, cursing, gambling (not that I do those things...just saying). I do not have to "do unto others" in order to be in a relationship with God. I've been so frustrated lately...feeling like I'm on a treadmill of "must do's"...I must die to myself...I must be strong...I must fight the good fight. I must work on my relationships. NOPE.

Paul writes (in I Cor. 15:13), "If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith." (to which I would have LOVED to have leaned over to Chuck to whisper, "So's your face.")

It's a BIG pill to swallow. Jesus died...easy to believe. Jesus willingly died...still buying it. Jesus died for others...again acceptable. Jesus came back to life. He conquered death, which is the cost of sin. It ALL hinges on this. All of it...if I cannot accept this, my faith is useless. None of the New Testament can be true if Jesus did not really come back to life...Paul was a big fat liar...as was Jesus and ALL the writers of the New Testament. In utter defiance of all that I can see and understand, I jump into the realm of mystery...a world built on promise...hope...faith...and love.