I had to share some helpful input from a dear friend. Concerning my time of struggle:

The comfort I have received that I want to remind you of is that our faith is most precious to God when we trust him in the darkness, out of obedience rather than desire. When we agree to hold his hand in our shadow lands, I think he feels a deep sigh of satisfaction that we are CHOOSING to stick with him without any immediate feedback or tangible reward and I sense this stirs his heart to want to show us his love in a renewing, restoring way. I feel a sense of hope for what that will look like and how he will choose to show us his love as we keep plodding along.

In addition, I LOVE Christy's input about questioning our faith...heaven knows I question mine incessantly. Chuck would often say, "Just rest in it a while, Jan. Stop with the squirming already." Alas, it is my nature to poke and prod...to research and study. (I miss Chuck's balancing influence!!) One of the things I appreciate about my faith in Jesus is that he welcomes the poking...but there comes a point when he says...just believe Jan...just trust me...with no proof...jump, I'll catch you.