I keep whispering to God that Easter would be a GREAT time for him to bring me through this barrier of doubt and apathy...me always with a plan...a calendar...my infernal "to-do" list. (Studies show that marking things off a to-do list releases endorphins.) I must confess, I'm at a loss right now. My thinker and my feeler (the feeler being the on I rely on waaaay too much) are in CONFLICT. I know the story of my salvation. I know that my sin separates me from God...and the only way for me to commune with him is through a death, a blood-sacrifice. I know that I have exchanged my life for Christ's...that I am a new creation. Yet my heart feels like a hunk of rock in my chest...no life...no feeling...completely apathetic...and in utter doubt of my need for Jesus and his sacrifice. Yep. I've said it. (I am sooo getting a D- in Christianity 101). And just like in a marriage when the heart turns cold, I have a decision to make. Do I continue to act on my emotion or do I act lovingly...because I'm in a covenant relationship? Do I continue to be kind and gentle toward the one my heart no longer desires? YEP. I've learned enough about my nature to know this...my heart is fickle. "This too shall pass." Until it does, I will love my God...I will speak tenderly to my God...and I know that my heart will turn back to him in time. I will feel the truth again and the truth will set me free. Until then, I presevere in faith....