Saturday, February 21, 2009

One Year, Six Months, and One Day...

not that I'm counting. It's true. My love has been gone from me for one year, six months, and one day. (I mark time in years and half years.) Amazingly, I did not even realize on February 20 that it had been exactly a year and a half since Chuck's departure.

I was crashing my niece's slumber party, when my sister leaned over and whispered, "A year ago today, we were in paradise." Ahhhh yes, the Hawaii trip. Stunned, I clamored, "Is today the 20th? Chuck died EXACTLY a year and a half ago." I was shocked that the anniversary almost escaped my notice. It would have had Shea not brought it up.

For just this very reason, I am in awe of God's work in my heart. Truly...He has brought so much healing. I had prepared myself for a life of simply existing...awaiting my time to join Chuck. I knew I'd have moments of happiness in my journey...but I did not expect THIS. I did not expect a full life...a life filled with joy. I did not expect God to take my heart and expand it around the hole that Chuck left. God gave me a brand new heart...a heart that functions at a greater capacity to experience JOY. Who knew? It takes a hole in ones heart to help it beat more joyfully.

So I am celebrating. I am celebrating God's miracle in my life. I'm celebrating that I get to keep the hole that only Chuck could that memories of him can live there, speak to me, and make me laugh. I'm celebrating that the areas around that hole have expanded to take in greater joy and peace. I celebrate God's redemptive power to restore me to a FULL LIFE. THANK YOU LORD JESUS.