Friday, January 30, 2009

Is It REALLY this Hard?

This question has been plaguing it really this hard to live? And not just to live, but to live meaningfully? I mean come hard can it be? Yet, everywhere I many issues to many habits to many relationships to many obstacles to overcome. These thoughts chase me throughout the day: must increase exercise; must decrease caffeine intake; must feed into relationships; must keep an eye on my budget; must plan for my future; must serve a hurting world; must find my place in ministry; must find my place in this world. REALLY?

Then God reminded is that easy. After crying out to him, "Where are you, God? Why am I so empty? Aren't you supposed to fill me? If you are supposed to be my husband now, what kind of husband are you? The kind who neglects his wife??? I am empty, empty, empty, empty!!!!" He answered. But not right away. He let me stew a while...journal a while...cry a while. He has answered with..."BREATHE woman. You are in process. If you do NOTHING, I will work in you. I will work in you. Me, Jan, I will do the work. You cannot change your own heart. You cannot motivate an unwilling spirit...I will do the work. You stay connected to me. You look to me. You cry to me. Don't go out there and try to fix yourself, woman. You cannot do it."

Whew...I think He's gonna do the work. I'm gonna rest in Him (you know...for as long as my spirit is'll come.)