Is It REALLY this Hard?

This question has been plaguing me...is it really this hard to live? And not just to live, but to live meaningfully? I mean come on...how hard can it be? Yet, everywhere I turn...so many issues to address...so many habits to change...so many relationships to tend...so many obstacles to overcome. These thoughts chase me throughout the day: must increase exercise; must decrease caffeine intake; must feed into relationships; must keep an eye on my budget; must plan for my future; must serve a hurting world; must find my place in ministry; must find my place in this world. REALLY?

Then God reminded me...it is that easy. After crying out to him, "Where are you, God? Why am I so empty? Aren't you supposed to fill me? If you are supposed to be my husband now, what kind of husband are you? The kind who neglects his wife??? I am empty, empty, empty, empty!!!!" He answered. But not right away. He let me stew a while...journal a while...cry a while. He has answered with..."BREATHE woman. You are in process. If you do NOTHING, I will work in you. I will work in you. Me, Jan, I will do the work. You cannot change your own heart. You cannot motivate an unwilling spirit...I will do the work. You stay connected to me. You look to me. You cry to me. Don't go out there and try to fix yourself, woman. You cannot do it."

Whew...I think He's gonna do the work. I'm gonna rest in Him (you know...for as long as my spirit is willing...it'll come.)

Confound It!

Yes, I've taken a break from the blog. I feel ready and inspired to put "pen to paper" to tell the story of how God carried me and Chuck through the last year and a half of our marriage.

Because I get very short glimmers of "brilliance," I want to use them for writing...yes...a book. The glimmers are SO short, that if I use them in the blog...ain't nothin' left.

While THE PLAN was to use my glimmers for writing the book, I've simply stifled the glimmers and watched movies. instead.

Confound it.

Happy New Year

As I enter a new year, my heart is full...gratitude and sorrow flow mingled down. May this year be a blessing to you and to your families. I am sending out warm thoughts and blessings...there are so many of you whom I love so dearly...who have blessed me...as you've come into and gone out of my life. This has been a year of embracing as well as of letting go. Each act has been an offering of love. May you find peace...joy...affection...and humor...with enough sorrow to enhance the flavor of each. May you come to know the God who sings over you...who looks upon you with sweet affection and tender mercy. May you (and I) find true significance.

God bless you in 2009.