Wait!

I just got into work and noticed that today is July 31. Then I burst into tears...I'm so afraid for tomorrow. I'm so afraid of August. My fears...that I can't do it...that I can't face that month...that I cannot make it through another August 20. I want to yell...WAIT...just wait...please, let's linger here a bit longer in July.

This feeling so reminds me of the first time I used that word with such passion...with such pleading...with such desperation. I was about four-years-old, and was playing a GREAT new game at my Aunt Teresa's house. I had created it all by myself...and was playing it all by myself...and was quite pleased...with myself. I had just discovered that by standing straight and leaning forward, I could momentarily feel like I was flying...then I would catch myself before I fell too far forward. So I was experimenting with how far I could lean before catching myself...the farther, the more "fly" time. Then I got a BRILLIANT idea...I would stand on the porch and lean over the side...and uh, put my hands in my pockets.... Hey, I was four! I'm sure you know what happened next...busted chin first on the sidewalk below (but BOY the fly time was GREAT).

My aunt frantically rushed me to the ER, where I begged for a band-aid. "I just need a band aid...please...give me a band-aid." Then I see it...the needles...for deadening and stitching. 'WAIT...just wait...please...just wait." The nurse comes towards me with the needle and I am beside myself with begging..."Please, please, wait." Now I don't know why I thought waiting would help. It wasn't like it was going to hurt any less. It wasn't as if waiting would magically transport me out of the situation. But I was desperate for a chance to catch my breath before the searing pain...it was not granted. And I know my pleas for a delay in time will not occur. August comes tomorrow...with all its pain. Just as the stitches helped heal my body...holding onto Jesus and letting grief do its work in me will heal my soul. Still...I sure could use a little more time.