Well here we are. Six months (in a few days) out from Chuck's death. I remember specifically planning this trip to Hawaii and contemplating, "How will I feel in six months?" I am more in awe of God than ever. Typically, I overestimate people...unrealistic expectations of mere mortals. Seems I have unrealistic expectations of God as well...only in reverse.

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this level of joy and PEACE, PEACE, PEACE to rule in my heart...not at six months...not in a year...not in a couple of years. I know I mentioned early into this, as the pain was hitting full-force, that faith does not diminish the pain...it sustains through the pain. Even though I fought him, throwing punches right and left, God picked me up and carried me (kicking and screaming) through these past few months.

Some of the blessing oh so evident, other than prevailing peace, is that I am starting to mourn my Chuck...the Chuck I built my life with. It's painful, obviously, but it feels sooooooo good to cry over my husband...rather than my "loved one," as he was referred to in the hospital.

Traffic was at a stand-still on Wednesday, and I was trapped in front of Bill Miller on DeZavala. I burst into to tears as it seemed like YESTERDAY...seriously, YESTERDAY that Chuck and I were sitting in the parking lot...he with a po-boy, me with brisket...happily talking and eating. (Eating in the car with the windows down was our compromise...my love for eating outdoors and Chuck's distain for it...he would drive to a shady spot, park the car, and roll down the windows....) In any case, it felt soooooooo good to have that memory, that pain...not of what happened to him...not of his suffering...but pain over missing the GREAT times.

God is so very, faithful...beauty from ashes....