A few things...first, the goodness of God. Our pastor is doing a series on "What's so good about God?" Today he took a bold and unflinching look at some troubling questions. A BIG one being, "If God is so good, why does he allow pain? Especially when he has the ability to alleviate it...STOP it or at least reverse it? How can a good god stand by and allow atrocities to occur daily...especially to the innocent?" Great question. The answer? No one knows for sure. I will tell you this...I TRUST HIM. I trust in his goodness. I trust that the things that happen can be turned into works of beauty, love and grace...if put in the artist's skillful, tender hands. The verse mentioned in the service, that rings so very true to me, is Isaiah 55: 8-9. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." Humbling yet true. God could explain it to me, but I wouldn't get it...not only would I not get it...no reason he could give would be "good enough" for me...so limited is my understanding.

Here's the deal, God has the big picture. He is always loving, always kind, always good. His motives are pure. Though our circumstances seem hideous and unbearable...and at times ARE hideous and unbearable, he can bring GREAT, GREAT good out of it. We are short-sighted and narrow in scope...by "we," I mean ME.

Thinking back to all that happened with Chuck...all the pain and sadness...just LOOK at what God is doing with it. Just LOOK at what he is doing in me...he is changing me, healing me, freeing me in ways that were not possible before experiencing that level of sorrow...of loss...of despair. To have tried with all that was in me only to discover I was not enough...I did not have enough...I could not give enough. Truly, truly "beauty for ashes...gladness for mourning...praise for despair." I am sure many of you have similar stories.

Whew! The second thing I wanted to mention was a practice that has brought me so much healing. Alas, I'm beat. Perhaps another time.