Yes it is 12:01 a.m. and yes I am still awake. I know...boggles the mind that my body has not imploded nor spontaeously combusted. I CANNOT sleep. Cannot recall the last time this has happened to me!

Soooo, thought I'd share how God has changed one area of my life...and for me it's a biggie. You may recall, a couple of days ago I had a blissful reprieve from missing Chuck. In my heart and mind, I felt he was home waiting for me...and that everything was normal. Of course, I eventually had to return to an empty house and realize he's gone. But here's the miracle. I was okay with it. I was okay with facing the pain. I was okay KNOWING that the pain would be coming. I didn't run. I didn't hide. AND I let it come wash over me...knowing that it would pass.

This was me when my mom died...in order to avoid the "wake-up-and-remember-mom-is-dead"...I stopped sleeping. For three days, I refused to sleep...because one morning I woke up, forgot she had died, and was assaulted with fresh grief..."Mom is dead." Taking matters into my own hands, I put an end to that...for a few days...not the healthiest of choices.

I have been known to run to food, alcohol, relationships, and TV in order to avoid feeling pain. I even dabbled in EXERCISE, heaven help me. I praise God for changing me (oh so slowly) in this area. I praise God for the brevity of pain. That's the crazy thing...I have spent so much energy and time avoiding something that, once invited in, stays for such a brief period.

Okay folks...I'm off to bed...and hopefully to REST.