While babysitting my niece, I put her to bed with the story "Today I Feel Silly." For those of you NOT familiar, the heroine feels vastly different from day to day. "Today I feel silly...grumpy...cranky...happy...excited...quiet." Of course, each day is an all or nothing sorta situation...depending on the emotion. Either everything is fantastic or everything stinks. I kept thinking, "I feel ya, sister!" I had to laugh...not the first time a children's book has spoken truth to my soul. God designed me to feel all emotions with great intensity...a blessing and a curse. For this, I am thankful...or resentful? Depends on the day!

Speaking of emotions, I've been dealing with some painful ones...and a bit of resentment. My dear counselor and friend asks me from time to time, "Do we trust our emotions?" NO. NO. NO. We trust the truth of scripture.

So, as I was weeping to my counselor about "last Christmas," I was overcome with self-pity. Last Christmas was lovely. Chuck was off the ventilator; he was able to talk; his wounds were healing; he was doing well and we were FULL of hope...and dreams of returning to our home. Remembering that hope was too much for me. My hopeful heart had been broken by God's answer..."I'm taking him home with me now."

My view of last Christmas was clouded by what I no longer have...by what I missed this year. I kept thinking what a fool I'd been to believe Chuck would come home to me. Are my feelings of betrayal and abandonment the truth about God? Nah. The truth is that God KNEW it was our last Christmas. Because of this, he sweetly prepared our time together. How loving is it that he filled our Christmas with HOPE, with Chuck's ability to talk, with the joy of dreaming of the days ahead? What a gift. What a God.